Who?

2. Which model God did you acquire?

None of the above; I was taken in by a false god (David Koresh, I was one of his concubines)

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. (Please check all that apply.)

Prohibits sex outside of marriage

Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)

Requires virgin sacrifices (Esp this one. I like those, why does God need them?)

Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? (Please check all that apply.)

Imaginary friend grew up

Wanted to meet girls/boys

Needed a day away from work

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? (Please check all that apply.)

Star Trek re-runs

Playboy and/or Playgirl

Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

Wandering around in desert

Other: Alcohol, though this might count under drugs, it really should be its own category.

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? Is so, which false God were you fooled by? (Please check all that apply.)

Odin

Cthulhu

Lottery

The Conservative Right

Other:

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Would you prefer (circle one only)

a. More Divine Intervention

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God’s handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent)

Disasters:

1 Flood

1 Famine

1 Earthquake

1 War

1 Pestilence

1 Plague

1 AOL

1 Republican Congress

1 Dubya

1 My present relationship

1 My last relationship

Miracles:

1 Rescues

1 Spontaneous remissions

1 Crying statues

1 Water changing to wine

1 Walking on water

1 Stars hovering over towns

1 VCRs that set their own clocks

1 Clear and competent statements by the President

1 My present relationship

1 My last relationship

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

1 God’s Courtesy

1 Answers to your prayers

1 Are your spiritual needs being met?

1 How are your shrubs doing?

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God’s services? (Attach additional sheet(s) if necessary.)

This version of God 1.0 is in serious need of an update, when will a patch be released?

where do you find the label on god?

short on vigins

had a free weekend

polka music

do you glue those on?

do i win anything? pbs gave me the three tenors.

no problems or disasters i am devout. see orgasm.

i want to know if god will be reading these first.