Looking for a New Job and a New Planet
It’s Monday morning and everything in the World is normal. Which is to say that it’s completely screwed up. Spinach is public-enemy number one in America, Muslims around the world are committing acts of violence to protest the Pope’s suggestion that Islam is a religion of violence, and the Alpha Centauri system still refuses to recall its planetary ambassador, Tom Cruise.
For me, though, it’s another thrilling week of job hunting. Job hunting is great fun, if “fun” is redefined to include shelving books in a library and several outpatient medical procedures.
Job hunting is just like being a sales rep with a single, dubious product, and no budget for swanky client lunches. Some people lie outright about their qualifications, which is very naughty, but everyone has to inflate their own personal wonderfulness a bit in order to get an interview, much less a job. And prospective employers do the same with their open positions. It’s important to remember that while you may be slightly under-qualified for the job you will eventually get, you will probably be underpaid and unsatisfied, too.
Today my “office” is a neighborhood coffee shop that offers free wireless. I’m here because there aren’t any neighborhood pubs that offer free wireless. Which is probably better for my job search. I’m not the only person using this joint as an office: there are some guys who get here early, set up a complete suite of office equipment at their tables, and stay all day. I can only survive until my personal environmental irritation threshold is exceeded. I have been hovering just below this level for over an hour, now, because I am (a) hungry but too cheap to buy anything, and (b) about to go into kidney failure but too grossed out by the bathroom. The threshold has just been blown to smithereens by the arrival of I-don’t-own-a-toothbrush-but-I-breathe-heavily-man, so I’m on my way out the door.
September 18th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
LOVE the newness and can totally relate to the horrible-ness of job hunting!
September 19th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Hi SpoonFighter - I’m one Constance’s friend here in Dallas, Bevy. Your blog today could not have been more fitting. First of all, your Job Hunting “is like” comment. I am a Sales Rep that last week was informed our budget to entertain and sponsor has been cut drastically. When I attend events and have to bring the obligatory items to giveway I am now downsized to a 22 cent pen and a pack of chicklet gum that has all of two pieces in it.
Why else is your blog so fitting to this day in particular? Being a Sales Rep I have flexibility as to where I work when I’m having an “in office” day. Instead of hanging out in the doom and gloom of my small home office I decided to hangout at the local Starbucks. You see, I’m single and my friends at work are encouraging me to take on an “Action Plan” which includes making myself seen in frequented places such as Starbuck’s, Barnes&Nobles and dog parks (I don’t own a dog). So today I kicked off step 1 to my “Action Plan”..Starbucks. I found great humor in your observations of your mediocre wireless web space cafe. I started the day with a venti 4 shot iced cafe latte that spearheaded a huge headache. I was too cold to move and do anything about it so I powered through. Somehow I managed to stay focused during the late morning rush of coffee addicts. Early afternoon I was approached by a woman that was a little on the odd side (okay, I’m being nice..she was WAY odd). She never really looked me in the eyes when she spoke and she hasn’t had a job since February ’cause she was a photo lab tech but she can’t find full time similar work in the area so she now works part-time somewhere and earns $7/hour and she’s really not happy with that and they’re required to atleast provide her with 15 hours…you see where I’m going with this SpoonFighter? I tried to end the conversation no less than 5 times by saying, “Well you have a good day” or “Well you take care”.
Me being single…why couldn’t have that odd woman possibly been an attractive, rich man..nooooo. ‘Course not.
Finally, 4 hours later I left. I may try this again in a couple weeks. Next time I’m going to bring a sweater ’cause they crank the air down to 10 below; I’m assuming so people won’t stay for 4 hours. That doesn’t stop us though! I’m also going to bring my bluetooth in so when passerbys wanna talk for a half hour I can say “Excuse me, I have a call coming in” without them hearing a ring.
Thank you…your blog was the perfect entertainment to end my perfect day at the office.
September 26th, 2006 at 11:52 pm
Spoonfighter, I got to thinking about your “everything in the World is normal.” as I was reading how 23 years ago a dude named Stanislav Petrov saved the world… Literally. What if the world had ended when we were mere pups? At least we wouldn’t need worry about havin’ the skillz to pay the billz…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanislav_Petrov