I have a rule. When I arrive at the office, I get a cup of coffee. If I successfully pour that cup and consume its contents without (a) burning myself, (b) spilling it down my front, or (c) injuring bystanders, then I proceed normally with the rest of my day. If I cannot, however, then I don’t mess with my computers nor attempt anything else that might be risky or expensive.

I have not even made it to the break room for coffee thus far today, but I know how it’s going to go. For my commute, this morning, I put some soda in a sealed sports-drink container, the sort that are supposed to be shock resistant. Within seconds of pulling onto the highway, I noticed that the beverage had escaped from this container and become one with the upholstery of the passenger seat. Food: 1, Me: 0.

As soon as I reached my cubicle, my lunch - a spicy rice-and-chicken curry soup - carried out what I can only describe as a suicide attack. For a nanosecond, the laws of tupperware physics failed and the lid removed itself, filling the interior of my workout bag with spicy, smelly soup. Then, the remaining rice made a break for it and hid itself all over my cubicle. Food: 2, Me: 0.

So now, finally, after spending the first hour of my work day decontaminating my bag, my clothes and my cube, and closing the car window on my running shorts so they can hang out the window and dry in the breeze, I am finally going to go get that coffee. If I don’t come back, tell my wife I loved her.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 18th, 2005 at 10:53 am and is filed under Blather, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.