Ah, the Christmas Season. That happy time each year when, in addition to all the normal things I have to do to keep everyone from being angry at me, I am culturally required to make a list of the persons who will probably give me gifts, guess the cost of each person’s gift, and then guess what that person might want for him or herself of the same value.

Once the list is complete, I must then spend the equivalent of a forty-hour work week in at least three different malls locating and purchasing these items. Finally, our culture dictates that I must wrap each of these items in colored paper to obscure its identity and insure that there is a delay of several seconds between my giving the gift and the recipient’s attempt to conceal his or her disappointment. What a fantastic holiday. Wouldn’t it be simpler if we all bought ourselves something we don’t want? Or just set some money on fire?

That’s why it’s usually about December 29, when the thrill of my brand new socks has worn off, that I get around to thinking about the meaning of Christmas. And how our society has transformed it from a celebration of God’s mercy into a wallowing in materialism.

What confuses me, though, is that our economy is requires materialism. This is the time of year when economists worry about whether consumers will spend enough money to keep the economy growing and generating jobs. Sure, I could give some money to a homeless shelter, but it seems like the most charitable thing to do would be to buy the biggest freakin’ plasma TV on the market and then figure out a way to install it in my new Mercedes. Hey - I’m doing it for you, Mr. Homeless Guy. You can have a ride in the Benz as long as you shower first.

So anyway, what I wanted to say is that I understand how stressful this time of year can be and I hope that you won’t feel any pressure to go out into the cold looking for the perfect gift for me. Cash will be fine.

- - - - - IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER - Thursday, 12-2-05 - - - - - -

I re-read the above post today, and I’m concerned that it might seem a bit … um… cynical. So I’m posting this little addendum primarily for the benifit of those of you who actually know me in person.

5. I prefer high-denomination U.S. Dollars or Treasury Bonds. Euros are also acceptable.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 1st, 2005 at 12:24 am and is filed under Humor, Current Events. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.