The List
I was trying to think of something funny to write, but I’m stuck.
All humor makes fun of someone, something, or some group. All jokes have a victim. The problem is that so many victims are now off-limits, it’s difficult to write something funny without getting into trouble.
For example, it is not ok to make jokes about black people, or being black. Ever, ever, ever ever ever. There are only two exceptions to this rule: (1) You yourself are black (I am not); or (2) You are making a joke about Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, or Michael Jackson.
(Personally, I think this is a very good rule, because black people have suffered enough indignity from white people in America, and also because they are almost all bigger and stronger than me.)
I’ve come to believe that there’s a list, maintained by a secret committee, which determines who can make fun of whome whom. A member of one group can get away with making fun of any group farther down on the list, but not a higher one:
-
1. Blacks
2. Latinos
3. People with Disabilities
4. Homosexuals
5. Jews
6. Asians
7. Whites
8. Rednecks
9.
10. Vegetarians
11. Michael Jackson
(To be honest, I’m not sure about #9, because they are surprisingly quick and I’ve never been able to catch one. Same for #11.)
Since I’m a white person, I could make a joke about “Little People” and as long as there weren’t any “Little People” present, everyone would have a good laugh. On the other hand, if I made a joke about black people - which I never would, I swear to God - nobody would laugh and I might get my ass kicked. Possibly by a group of “Little People.”
I personally do not like this list. I don’t like being so far down on it, and I think that the “Little People” deserve to be several notches higher, too. In fact, I don’t see why there should be a list at all. Can’t we all enjoy a little good-natured ribbing, then link arms, and celebrate our common humanity by making fun of Michael Jackson?
January 2nd, 2006 at 9:43 am
i am actually fond of midget tossing, as long as the little guys are not hurt. does this trouble you too?
January 3rd, 2006 at 10:35 am
Hahaha! You had me laughing out loud. Great list! And I think you have everyone right in order…
And you even have your ‘exceptions to the no-black people jokes’ right. Congratulations! You must have really done your research!
Thanks for the kudos. In fact, all SpoonFighter posts are painstakingly researched by a large staff of “Little People” who live in the tree behind my house. –SF
September 8th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
What if someone fits multiple categories - say, a Latina disabled lesbian? Does she get extra points? (Wait, that’s a bad example. Lesbians don’t have a sense of humor.)
What if someone is a midget vegetarian? Do his extra points move him up the ladder so that he can make fun of a Jew?
Along the same lines, what happens if the Latina disabled lesbian (#s 2, 3, and 4) gets in a shouting match with a black gay Jew (#s 1, 4, and 5)? Who has the right to make fun of the other? The LDL has a combined score of 9 - does that make her just a midget? And is the BGJ, with a score of ten, really just a fancy vegetarian?
And who do I talk to about the rankings? I think homos should be way higher, probably higher than Latinos who can create political mass (and thus effect change) just by procreating (we don’t have that luxury, you know) and certainly higher than the disabled, who don’t have to worry nearly as much about how they look. Really, it’s very very difficult being gay what with getting the hair just right and picking out the perfect outfit for the occasion, so I’m appealing to move up the list. We’re not quite black, but we’re awful close.