I have no idea who to credit for this, but it’s making the rounds via email …

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning … uphill BOTH ways…yadda, yadda, yadda! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don’t kno w how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter….with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a colle ctions agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘asteroids’ and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as s tad ium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn’t see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your a** and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying?? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little #$!##@!!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a friggin’ fire…. imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled!!!!!!!!! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Oh yeah, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

The holiday music assault has begun. By December 26, I suspect all Christmas music will sucketh to my ears, but right now, but here’s the list so far of tunes I hope I never hear again:

1. That !@#% “Mr. Grinch” song. You know the one: really lame lyrics, sung by a dude with a really deep voice.

2. “Up On The Housetop,” as sung by the Jackson 5. How can the whole family be off-key and whiny?

3. “Felis Navidad,” as sung by Celine Dion. Actually, ANYTHING as sung by Celine Dion.

– Update –

#4. “Last Christmas,” sung by George Michael. (Thanks to danb for reminding me not to forget how much I hate this song.)

#5. When the !@#$ did “My Favorite Things” (Sound of Music?) become @%!!@#$ Christmas music? Cause this is the only time of the year when “KOSI 101 Light Rock” can get away with playing it?

Tonight my wife asked me, “You would never have an affair, would you?”

“Are you kidding?” I replied. “I barely have enough time to keep one woman unhappy.”

Hello Kitty AK-47. Oh man.

Link

Orientation: Partner at big law firm
Week 1: Partner at medium law firm
Week 2: Partner at small law firm
Week 3: Associate at any law firm
Week 4: Personal injury attorney
Week 5: Paralegal
–Update–
Week 7: President of the United States

Once again, I’ve managed to keep my little boat afloat for one more day on a river which will inevitably pour over the waterfall of disaster.

Don’t worry. Be happy!

Didn’t tell anyone that my birthday, or do anything to celebrate. In fact, I almost forgot about it, myself. Had my parents and grandparents not sent cards, I might have. Let’s see … national life expectancy for men = 78. Time left = 78 - 32 = 46. I’m almost to the average midpoint. Weird. Very weird. But not as weird as it will be when I’m 78, knowing that I could go at any moment.

What a crock. How come the first time I have a graded writing assignment due, which we were told to hand in by the deadline on pain of death, dismemberment, or failure, I get royally sick the entire weekend before, and then, minutes before I’m due to leave the house and make the trek to Boulder to hand in my masterpiece, I find that I’ve lost my keys (for the first time in years) and that the car I have spares for is the one my wife is driving?

I’m in Torts class. Torts are things you might be inclined to sue someone for. As opposed to Tarts, which are tasty pastries, or loose women. Anyhoooooo….. We’re discussing important things. Exploding hay stacks. Epileptic drivers. Dumbness not being a defense in negligence cases.

Interesting things I have learned so far:

1. You are held responsible to know the Law.
2. The “Law” is hard to find, hard to explain, hard to understand, unclear, self-contradictory, and open to change by a judge at any moment: You cannot know the Law.
3. Ahahahahahahaha!

This is my first full week of classes. In general, I’m not impressed with the method of instruction in Law School, so far. I have read that almost all law schools follow the same basic method, though, so I’m not complaining about CU, my school.

In every other “technical” subject I’ve taken, whether in college or in professional training, you start by learning general rules that give you a rough handle on the subject, and a framework to make further learning easier, and then you proceed to more detailed study of the exceptions and subtleties that make it all interesting.

Law School, on the other hand, does it backwards, immersing you in the subtleties and exceptions and expecting you, over time, to develop a sense of the general rules.

Professors claim that this is because the law is always changing, and that it is more important to teach you how to think like a lawyer. But that could be said of every subject. The law actually changes less than most fields. The human brain learns better when it has a rough conceptual framework from which to start. I may change my mind, later, but so far law school appears to involve a great deal of wasted effort.