Unless you are avoiding all media outlets except for this website - an unlikely scenario - you no doubt are aware that the head of Al-Qaeda in Iraq, Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, got ganked by an F-16 yesterday, after having been betrayed to U.S. intelligence by someone within his organization.

My reaction is to wonder who betrayed him and why. Obviously, I have no inside information, so any guesses I make are wild, pointless speculation, like trying to guess whether the Pope wears boxers or briefs. I did, however, recently skim through a book entitled, Inside Al-Qaeda, by Rohan Gunaratna. In one section, the author notes that one of Al-Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden’s organizational dogmas is peace between Shiite and Sunni muslims, and that any sectarianism within the organization is strictly forbidden.

However, in September of 2005, according to Al-Jazeera, Al-Zarqawi declared an all-out war on Iraq’s Shiite population. I wonder, then, whether Al-Zarqawi was ratted out to the US because he violated the Al-Qaeda principle of non-sectarianism.

Update: I’m not the only person who’s wondering that, apparently - I just read to the bottom of the Wikipedia article on Zarqawi and found a link to this website, which has the same thought.

Okay. I now return you to the normal, pointless drivel you expect from SpoonFighter.

For the record, my basic objection to President Bush and his administration is not his policies, but rather the lack of candor. It’s the unwillingness to take responsibility for failures and the refusal to provide raw, un-spun, unflattering information, especially in regard to the situation in Iraq.

Future generations will judge Mr. Bush against presidents like Truman, who made it clear that “The Buck Stops Here”, or Kennedy, who took public, personal responsibility for the Bay Of Pigs fiasco. These leaders understood that it was more important for people to trust the Office of the President, than for them to have a good impression of the person holding that office. Trust is built and maintained by acknowledging the truth, even when it isn’t flattering or convenient.

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I am trying to make up my mind about the on-going debate over our illegal-immigrant population. Congress tried to make it illegal to be here illegally (scratches head) and people of Hispanic origin are staging massive protests around the country to demand the right to clean our toilets and serve us french fries provide a better life for their family. It must really suck to live in Mexico. Regardless of your take on the issue, you gotta respect them for what they go through to be here. (Although, if Mexico is so bad that you’d walk across a desert, live in a house with 27 other people, and work four crappy jobs at once - why would you drive everywhere flying the Mexican flag? Or wave one at a rally? I must be missing something.)

To be honest, I would be happy to grant them all amnesty, as long as we could ban that polka music. I’m serious. They can have citizenship and free health care and maybe even a complimentary, luxury pickup with six little Mexican flags and their last name in big decals across the back window. Just please, no more polka. I want to cry whenever I hear it, it’s so awful.

That’s something the average American could get behind. If the pro-illegal-immigrant faction offered that as an olive branch, they’d be amazed by how quickly the issue was settled: “No more tubas and accordions? Done. What color should we paint your new pickup truck? Green, white and red? No es problema.”

Go edumacate yourselves on the economics of Unions. Read Dave Away From Home: Union Label.

It’s warm, and Spring is just getting started here in Denver. We didn’t get a Winter this year, just an extra three months of Fall. I don’t mind one bit. Put a half-inch of snow or ice on the road and my 30-year-old BMW handles like a 2,000-lb, greased water balloon.

Usually I see at least two State Patrol cars during my commute, but today they are nowhere to be found. I put the peddle to the floor and let all 98 little carbureted horsies run free. Oh baby! I’m even able to get into the fast lane and do a little passing. So what if I’m only passing a mattress that’s fallen off the top of someone’s car. I take what I can get.

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By now you have hopefully heard of the rapidly-escalating feud over some cartoons originally published in a Danish newspaper.

Basically, the cartoons included caricatures of the Muslim prophet Mohammed. Islam prohibits any depiction of Mohammed, much less mockery, and LOT of Muslims around the world are very upset, protesting and boycotting everything Danish. Muslim leaders have demanded that the Danish government both beg forgiveness and punish the newspaper and its editors.

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I recently saw the movie Munich. If you don’t know, it begins with the massacre at the 1972 Munich Olympics, in which a group of Palestinian terrorists took hostage and eventually killed 11 members of the Israeli team. The movie follows the team of Israeli assassins who were dispatched to kill the principle planners of the Munich attack. The events of the Munich attack itself unfold in sequential flashbacks interspersed throughout the movie.

Munich is powerful and worth seeing because the film’s director, Spielberg, did something unusual: he made every person in the film human. You might expect that with the ‘good guys,’ the team of Israeli agents. But Spielberg also does this for the ‘bad guys.’

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Congress passed and the President signed a law which makes it illegal to send email or post messages on a website with intent to “annoy,” if you hide your real identity. (link)

*cough* unconstitutional *cough*

In Colorado, you can get a ticket if you have a child riding in the car and you don’t have seat belt or child seat that is approved for a child of that age by the federal government. However, it is entirely legal to let that kid ride unrestrained in the bed of a pickup truck (if the child is five or older), or on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet.

Way to earn those paychecks, law-makers.

I was trying to think of something funny to write, but I’m stuck.

All humor makes fun of someone, something, or some group. All jokes have a victim. The problem is that so many victims are now off-limits, it’s difficult to write something funny without getting into trouble.

For example, it is not ok to make jokes about black people, or being black. Ever, ever, ever ever ever. There are only two exceptions to this rule: (1) You yourself are black (I am not); or (2) You are making a joke about Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, or Michael Jackson.

(Personally, I think this is a very good rule, because black people have suffered enough indignity from white people in America, and also because they are almost all bigger and stronger than me.)

I’ve come to believe that there’s a list, maintained by a secret committee, which determines who can make fun of whome whom. A member of one group can get away with making fun of any group farther down on the list, but not a higher one:

1. Blacks
2. Latinos
3. People with Disabilities
4. Homosexuals
5. Jews
6. Asians
7. Whites
8. Rednecks
9. Midgets “Little People”
10. Vegetarians
11. Michael Jackson

(To be honest, I’m not sure about #9, because they are surprisingly quick and I’ve never been able to catch one. Same for #11.)

Since I’m a white person, I could make a joke about “Little People” and as long as there weren’t any “Little People” present, everyone would have a good laugh. On the other hand, if I made a joke about black people - which I never would, I swear to God - nobody would laugh and I might get my ass kicked. Possibly by a group of “Little People.”

I personally do not like this list. I don’t like being so far down on it, and I think that the “Little People” deserve to be several notches higher, too. In fact, I don’t see why there should be a list at all. Can’t we all enjoy a little good-natured ribbing, then link arms, and celebrate our common humanity by making fun of Michael Jackson?