…. I continue to suck. I just can’t think of anything to blog about. I want to post things that are unique and funny, but other than the fact that I - a guy who doesn’t always remember to wear underwear - am about to become a father, I just can’t think of anything.

I haven’t written anything all week. Is this anyway to thank my loyal readers (bots)? No.

Sadly, I haven’t been myself. I’ve been worrying about the future, and what to do next in life. I’ve been contemplating my escape route from this company and from corporate America in general. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I need a graduate degree. So, if you have one lying around that you’re not currently using, let me know.

The problem, of course, is that most of the grad degree programs which would cater to my work schedule are things like MBAs, or Masters of Information Technology: things that would only further entrench me in the corporate machine. What I want to study is something like International Affairs or Ancient Mesepotamian History, but to do that I’d probably have to quit my job, which would in turn eliminate my funding. Checkmate.

Until I solve this problem, I’ll be here in my cube, hoping that a freak ceiling-tile-related accident ends my fantastically boring life.

Samantha Burns writes about the new “fat kid” car seats, our typically American solution to the growing problem of corn(syrup)-fed kids. La-Z-Boy? Na, Lazy Parents

This is pretty close to home. You know what my cousin and her husband bought their daughter for her 4th birthday? Her very own LazyBoy recliner. So she could watch TV with Mommy and Daddy. I can barely believe it myself. It’s so … so … Walmart. Might as well just buy the lifetime gift subscription to Lard-Ass Monthly.

… the neighbor’s kid gets a motorized scooter for his birthday and your first thought is, “It’s time to buy an air-rifle.”

I am trying to make up my mind about the on-going debate over our illegal-immigrant population. Congress tried to make it illegal to be here illegally (scratches head) and people of Hispanic origin are staging massive protests around the country to demand the right to clean our toilets and serve us french fries provide a better life for their family. It must really suck to live in Mexico. Regardless of your take on the issue, you gotta respect them for what they go through to be here. (Although, if Mexico is so bad that you’d walk across a desert, live in a house with 27 other people, and work four crappy jobs at once - why would you drive everywhere flying the Mexican flag? Or wave one at a rally? I must be missing something.)

To be honest, I would be happy to grant them all amnesty, as long as we could ban that polka music. I’m serious. They can have citizenship and free health care and maybe even a complimentary, luxury pickup with six little Mexican flags and their last name in big decals across the back window. Just please, no more polka. I want to cry whenever I hear it, it’s so awful.

That’s something the average American could get behind. If the pro-illegal-immigrant faction offered that as an olive branch, they’d be amazed by how quickly the issue was settled: “No more tubas and accordions? Done. What color should we paint your new pickup truck? Green, white and red? No es problema.”

… I’m a Moron.

You know that classic CLM* where you’re replying to an email with some smart-ass comment, intending it for a single person you trust, but instead you hit “reply-all” and send it to the whole company? Yeah - I did that, this week.

I put my own special sauce on the standard entree, though. In a panic, I sent out an apology to everyone. Then I checked my inbox. There was a message from the email system stating that (for technical reasons I won’t go into) the email system blocked my first reply, the one I was worried about. But it happily sent out my apology - which included the original email and my smart-ass comment - to everyone.

Nothing bad appears to have happened, other than having my techie-street-cred cut in half for being such a bone-head. I received a handful of emails from people saying that they didn’t get the email for which I was apologizing (no one did), but that they agreed with my comment and were glad someone actually said it. I can only hope the VP agrees.

* career limiting move