Guess I’m overdue to update this thing.

1. Christmas. Flew the family to San Diego and spent time with parents. The highlight: a quiet hour at the beach with my son, introducing him to ocean sunsets, pelicans, and seagull poo. Most of the rest of the time was spent around the dining room table discussing the latest and greatest diseases acquired by extended friends and family, while trying to avoid discussing my latest religious heresy. (Which one? Oh, there are sooo many. Yet I remain a mostly-orthodox Christian.)

2. New Year. This year I resolved to use my time more efficiently so that I will be able to spend more time playing Xbox. Also to lose weight. And lower taxes.

3. Law School. Back at it. Got grades back. Didn’t like them. They weren’t bad enough to make me quit, but that’s about all I can say about them. Can I figure out how to do better? Will Batman survive the Joker’s deadly trap? Am I wearing underwear?
(Answers: Hopefully; Of Course; Not so much)

Law school has turned out to be somewhat … uh … different than I hoped. In my fantasy version of law school, I imagined that I would quickly rise to the top of my class due to my natural legal genius, and spend my time out of class wearing a tweed jacket, smoking a pipe, and hobnobbing with my professors about the various ways in which the American legal system could be improved. Obviously, more realistic expectations lay bound, gagged, and whimpering in a dark corner of my head. The reality of law school turned out to be a desperate race to shove as much legal information down my mental throat as possible, so that it could be violently vomited up, in a concise and organized fashion, on the final exam. I did not vomit particularly well.

I have no idea who to credit for this, but it’s making the rounds via email …

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning … uphill BOTH ways…yadda, yadda, yadda! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don’t kno w how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter….with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a colle ctions agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘asteroids’ and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as s tad ium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn’t see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your a** and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying?? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little #$!##@!!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a friggin’ fire…. imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled!!!!!!!!! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Oh yeah, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd